I don’t like it when I get attention from random people on my birthday. We’ve not talked since the beginning of the year and trust me, it’s not necessary that we do. One other thing that’s unnecessary is you wishing me a happy birthday. My birthday is not a big deal, I’m sure you agree. If we barely talk, stop making it look like it is.
It’s only a few weeks to that day of the year when I get messages from friends, family, and strangers wishing me a happy day.
That “special day” when everyone is bubbling and excited about my day even before it starts.
A day the chances of receiving meaningful phone calls from people other than my family increases.
A day I get to have a slight overview of how important I am to some people.
Why I don’t like people wishing me “Happy Birthday”
I often feel uncomfortable on this day, when lots of people start acting or showing me they care about me.
When the “Happy Birthday” messages and post starts rolling in, I start feeling weak, vulnerable and Loved by lots of people. I hate these feelings. Hence, I’ve grown to dislike anything that stimulates them.
I hate it when I start feeling a lot of people care about me, or like I actually mean something to people. I wouldn’t want to “not mean” something to people, yet, I wouldn’t want to either.
Carefully looking at it, I don’t really hate the day itself, or at least, I’ve not grown to hate it. Often, I just wish I don’t have to remember it’s my birthday at all.
To me, becoming a year older is a natural thing(when I’m alive of course) that’s not a big deal. Despite the dislike I have for the phrase, it’ll hurt if I don’t get it from people I would have given it to. But then, shit happens.
It wasn’t like this from the beginning
As a kid, I grew up having some beliefs because the people around me had them. What choice did I have? I barely knew much about life. I’ve had almost no bad experiences except when my mom didn’t get to cook what I wanted to eat, or when my dad didn’t buy me the toys I wanted, and anything along that line.
I would always cry if my dad in any way hinted I wouldn’t celebrate my birthday that year. Lowkey celebration or not, I always wanted that day to be treated differently. I was the happiest on earth the day my dad agreed to throw a big 12th birthday party for me, all of my friends then had thrown one at a point in their life; I never did, and the news automatically made me stop feeling left out in that aspect.
Change is unavoidable
Back in those days, things like that were what life was all about to me and over time, I grew to start taking some things less seriously. My birthday is one of those things.
I don’t know how this growth happened, I didn’t even notice when it all started. All I know is, I’m here, I’m fine. I don’t know if I’m happy, I think I’m happy, I’m happy.